Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
