hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
