the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
