I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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