well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
