My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
