Christians are straight up FREAKS
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She bit a glass in half.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
