his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
