Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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