we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
