I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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