Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
