This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
did you just send me my own nude
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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