she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
