I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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