Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
