my soul wont recognize me after tonight
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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