At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
