I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
