my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
