I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
