I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
