At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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