Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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