Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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