no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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