omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
