I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize