She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
