Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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