so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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