this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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