Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
