There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
