I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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