You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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