Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
