So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Girls should come with a carfax report
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
