im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
