I want to make a zoo with you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
