I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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