I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
