its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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