You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
