I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the raccoons are back...
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