Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
