Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
