I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
