after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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