dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He better not be in your backpack
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
