so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
