chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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