We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
