He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
