Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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