I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
