Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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