I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
bring money and cleavage
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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