im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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