The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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