Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well you can't waste a boner
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
