I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
