talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
