Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
