Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
