It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
